I regret it all now. Everything. Every moment of the past year. From the first moment I liked you , to the last time we spoke. I liked you and you were dating her , I liked you and you were dating her , I liked you and you were dating her. I got over you one piece at a time and still you were dating her. Every once in a while you’d do something so cute totally not deliberately , and without trying you’d make the feeling I was slowly losing flutter up. Months kept passing and I grew more over you and came to love you as a best friend , a confidant , someone of superior intellect but kinder nature. Then he came back and I fell not in love or in particular like but into a comfortable pattern. Be best friends with him. Flirt. Have a “moment” with him. Laugh off anyone telling me he like me or I liked him. Then you broke up with her. It was of no interest to me , I was too busy. My pattern continued and he hugged me and brushed hair from my face and it felt sparks. You met him for the first time and you spent half an hour speaking to him. I knew he and I would probably lose contact but after the final performance he cut me away straight away. I didn’t know why. Had I would I have said no to you ? I don’t think so. July passed slowly and at the end you asked me out. Finally the feelings I held for you realised they hadn’t left me at all. I said yes. Our first date was awkward but you told our friends I was cute and funny. I thought we had some time before I left but you cut that short. I accepted it. My friend however couldn’t and you have told her different reasons every single time she asks. It’s been drawn out too long now and I find myself unable to trust boys. I still don’t know why you did it , why you even asked me out at all. I still feel bad you thought I liked him when really he was just a friend to help me get over you. I still wished we’d had more time. And I regret the last conversation we had ,being about the boys where I am now ,because I should have pretended they were better than you , so you had something to be jealous about and I could have read it in your tone. As opposed to being confused by whether you were jealous or not. I regret not being able to play games like you do but I also know I wouldn’t be strong enough to. So this is thank you for teaching me how to be a nicer person. Thank you for making me happy. I hate you for helping me get to the point where I can’t trust boys anymore. Especially not when they all cut of communications with me to give you a fairer shot at dating me. Finally goodbye because hopefully when I wake up or in a month from now I will only miss the you I was best friends with not the one I dated.